


Get Used to It

by mean_whale



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alternate Universe, Blow Jobs, Escort Service, First Kiss, First Meetings, First Time, Hand Jobs, M/M, Misunderstandings, Self-Esteem Issues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-07
Updated: 2018-04-07
Packaged: 2019-04-19 17:58:19
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,509
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14242728
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mean_whale/pseuds/mean_whale
Summary: Tadashi has paid for a cuddle buddy service. The man he hired turns out to be absolutely his type. Will his nerves get in the way of things?





	Get Used to It

Tadashi was waiting nervously. He could hardly sit still, hands smoothing over his jeans, sweaty palms sticking to the fabric. He swallowed, looked at the time. He stumbled up, made his way to the hall and looked in the mirror. A stubborn swish of his hair was standing up, but he didn't bother touching it. He had tried to tame it time and time again, but it wouldn't stay down, so he had resolved to letting it do its thing since it wasn't going to listen.

That didn't mean that he was happy with it. It was only one more dark cloud over his head. His skin was a mess of freckles and acne scars, eyes drooping and lips too thin. He wished that he could change his face for one night only.

With a sigh he turned his back to the mirror and put on his shoes. At least he was tall and lean, muscles still defined even though he wasn't working out regularly anymore. If only he could put on a different head, he would be good.

He shook his head. He couldn't go out thinking so poorly of himself. He should try to give at least a semblance of self-confidence. He smiled at himself, but it didn't feel natural. He smiled at the door, but that didn't feel any more natural. With a quiet humph he gave up and went out.

It was a nice day, the sun shining but not burning. Tadashi walked slowly, hoping that he wouldn't get sweaty. His nerves were electrifying his body, and suddenly he felt that he was in the brink of insanity. Why else would he have spent a good chunk of his pay check to hire a man to keep him company? Who did that? How pathetic and lonely had he been when he had made the decision?

Had he not paid upfront, he might have turned back. But because his money had been spent already, he went on, dragging his body forward. He felt heavy, blinking to keep his eyes from getting teary. He did not need red eyes on top of everything.

Deep in thought Tadashi arrived at the location before he even realised. He didn't want to come off nervous, so he stepped inside and followed directions to the right hallway. He stopped before the door number 11. He was right on time, but couldn't quite bring himself to knock. His hands were shaking, weakness spreading towards his knees. He took a deep breath, then another.

When he finally knocked, it was frail and apologising. He winced. It was not the first impression he had wanted to give. His heart was beating nervously.

The door opened. Tadashi had to force himself to keep his head up. He was surprised to find that the person standing at the doorway was taller than him. He looked up to a narrow face, eyes rimmed by glasses, blond hair neatly combed.

"You're really tall," Tadashi blurted out, then lifted a hand to his mouth.

The man watching him smiled in a friendly manner, and Tadashi felt a bit less like a fool.

"You must be Yamaguchi," the man said.

Tadashi nodded.

"Come in," the man said, stepping aside from the door.

Tadashi thanked him and stepped inside, finally allowing himself to look down. He felt insignificant next to the beautiful man. He stumbled with his shoes, taking his time to calm his nerves before facing the man again. He caught a glimpse of the man's serious face before it softened with a smile. He felt like he had just been judged harshly.

"How do you want me to address you?" the man asked.

"Uh," Tadashi stuttered. "Yamaguchi is fine."

"Alright," the man said with a gentle smile. "You can call me Tsukishima."

"Okay," Tadashi said.

He felt increasingly awkward. Tsukishima was much more beautiful than he had thought based on the pictures. In comparison he was not only plain but also ugly. Maybe the whole thing had been a big mistake and he should simply leave.

"Do you want to sit down?" Tsukishima asked. "You can sit anywhere you like."

Tadashi looked around the room. It looked like a typical hotel room with a comfortable double bed, but there was also a sofa as well as pillows on the floor. Tadashi hesitated, took half a step forward, then stopped again.

"Some people want to talk first and warm up to more physical contact," Tsukishima said, "but some want to cuddle immediately. If you don't want to touch at all, that's fine too. We'll only do what you're comfortable with."

Tadashi nodded, but didn't feel like he had gotten much help from that. He hadn't thought about the situation beforehand to avoid getting too nervous, but now he felt like that had been a mistake. He should have thought to know what he wanted.

"Do you want to cuddle?" Tsukishima asked.

Tadashi nodded, fidgeting with his fingers.

"Then how about we get on the bed?" Tsukishima suggested. "I find it to be the most comfortable."

"Yeah," Tadashi agreed weakly.

Tsukishima smiled at him, but all he could think about was how much trouble it must be to keep up a façade of caring with a person the man had never met before. Tsukishima brushed against his back, and that was all the encouragement Tadashi needed to get his legs moving and climb onto the bed, Tsukishima following behind. They settled together, and after a bit of hesitating Tadashi leaned against the other man, and found himself relaxing when Tsukishima pulled him up against his lean body with a hand loosely wrapped around his waist.

"Is this your first time?" Tsukishima asked.

"Y- yeah," Tadashi stuttered.

"That's fine," Tsukishima said, fingers gently combing through Tadashi’s hair. "We're only going to do what you want to do."

Tadashi took in a deep breath and released it slowly. Tsukishima was warm and comfortable, but he couldn't quite chase away the thought that secretly the man was judging him for being sad enough to require such service.

"Do you want to talk," Tsukishima asked next, "or do you just want to cuddle?"

"I don't know," Tadashi said, feeling his face grow hotter.

"Okay," Tsukishima replied, voice soft and caring. "Do you want to tell me about your day, maybe?"

Tadashi thought. He did want to talk to someone about the things that were constantly pressuring him, but he wasn't sure that a hired cuddle partner was the right person to talk to. He found it hard to think that anyone would be interested in his problems, let alone a complete stranger.

"Is something bothering you, Yamaguchi?" Tsukishima asked.

His fingers were stroking Tadashi’s waist, the touch soft and careful. Tadashi swallowed.

"Do you want me to stop asking?" Tsukishima asked quietly.

"No," Tadashi said.

Tsukishima hummed in response.

"I feel so stupid," Tadashi forced out.

"Why is that?" Tsukishima asked.

"What kind of a person needs to hire someone to cuddle with?" came Tadashi’s answer, the words laced with bitterness towards himself.

"What do you mean?" Tsukishima asked with a respectful voice.

Tadashi huffed.

"How sad is it that you'd need money to get affection," he mumbled.

"I don't think it makes you sad," Tsukishima said. "There are many reasons why people feel lonely."

Tadashi snorted rudely.

"You're just required to say that because I paid you," he said.

"You want me to be honest?" Tsukishima asked.

Tadashi thought for a while, but then nodded. Maybe he needed to hear how sad he was. Maybe it would help him do something to change his life.

"Most people that come to me are socially challenged in some way," Tsukishima said. "They're not good with people or too busy or their standards are too high."

Tadashi couldn't help jolting a bit. Tsukishima meant people who were ugly, and Tadashi was certainly in that category. He had never thought that his standards were too high, but maybe they were.

"A lot of the time I am only kind because that's my job," Tsukishima said, confirming Tadashi’s assumption. "But not with you."

"Huh?" was all Tadashi could comment.

"I shouldn't say any of this," Tsukishima said. "After all I've always made sure to stay professional. But the moment I saw you, I knew I wanted to get to know you. I think you're charming and while you’re a bit shy, I'm sure that once you get over your nervousness you'll be a lot of fun to talk to."

"What?" Tadashi asked.

"I'm attracted to you, Yamaguchi," Tsukishima said clearly. "I want to kiss you. I want to know why you're here. I want to understand you and take you out."

Tadashi sat up, out of Tsukishima's hold, and turned to properly look at the man. He couldn't believe what he was hearing, although Tsukishima's face seemed sincere.

"You're only saying that to make me feel better," he said.

"I suppose there's nothing I can do to make you believe me," Tsukishima said, and Tadashi could have sworn there was a sad edge to his voice.

"I guess not," he said stiffly.

Tsukishima sat up straighter too.

"I'm sorry if I made you uncomfortable," he said. "I should have been professional and not mix my own feelings to this. If you want a refund, I'll talk to the manager."

Tadashi could hardly believe what he was hearing.

"It's over?" he asked quietly.

While he may have tried his best to not think about the appointment beforehand, he had still expected to meet with someone and feel close to them.

"I won't blame you if you want to go," Tsukishima said.

"I," Tadashi tried to quickly get his thoughts in order. "I don't."

Tsukishima looked at him carefully.

"If you still feel comfortable with me," Tsukishima said, "I'll give you extra time free of charge."

Tadashi felt his face heat up. He wanted to argue, but he didn't trust his mouth to form the right words. Tsukishima smiled at him and leaned back against the headboard.

"Come here, then," he said and beckoned for Tadashi.

Settling next to Tsukishima again felt less awkward than before. It was warm and comfortable. Tsukishima stroked his arm softly.

"Do you want to talk about something?" Tsukishima asked.

Tadashi gathered his thoughts, reminding himself of all the reasons behind his visit.

"I'm lonely," he said quietly. "I've never... I always feel unwanted."

Tsukishima stroked his hair.

"I just know I'm pathetic," Tadashi said. "Really, it's no wonder no one's interested in me, but it still sucks."

"Oh, Yamaguchi," Tsukishima said softly. "That's not true."

"It is," Tadashi insisted. "The only way for me to be close to someone is pay them. You can't get much sadder."

Tsukishima breathed calmly and pulled Tadashi closer to himself. Tadashi hesitated for a moment but then turned his head to properly rest it against Tsukishima's shoulder. The man smelled nice and clean, and Tadashi bitterly thought about how he would never smell that again. He would never feel the arms around him again.

"I've pretty much given up hope," Tadashi said quietly.

"That makes me sad," Tsukishima whispered.

Tadashi wanted to properly lie down and spoon, he really wanted to feel Tsukishima's long body against his own, but he couldn't bring himself to ask. He leaned more heavily against the man and wished that they were a real couple and not a client with an escort. He looked at the fabric of Tsukishima's shirt, a thought returning to him.

"Did you really mean it?" he asked. "That you want to kiss me."

"Yes," Tsukishima replied with no hesitation.

"Would you?" Tadashi asked, voice a mere whisper.

Tsukishima was quiet for a while.

"Do you want me to?" he then asked.

Tadashi pulled back a bit.

"I," he said. "I didn't mean, like, I didn't mean now. But. If we were in a different situation..."

"Yamaguchi," Tsukishima said. "I would kiss you whenever and wherever."

"Even now?" Tadashi found himself asking. "Even though it's against the rules?"

Tsukishima smiled.

"Even now," he said, "and even though it's against the rules."

Tadashi couldn't find deceit in the escort's face.

"Do you want to?" Tsukishima asked.

Tadashi nodded. He couldn't believe he was giving in to the suggestion without knowing whether Tsukishima was actually serious or not. He couldn't believe that he would have his first kiss with a man he had paid to cuddle with.

Tsukishima rolled them over to be on top. Tadashi’s neck was uncomfortably bent against the headboard, but he didn't do anything to fix it. He was frozen, waiting for something to happen. He watched how Tsukishima smiled before bending down.

Tsukishima's lips were soft, and Tadashi’s mind shut down the moment their mouths touched. Tsukishima was smiling sweetly, touch soft and careful but firm. Tadashi freaked out, only thinking about how he didn't know what to do, the fear soon overcome by the knowledge that he had now had his first proper kiss with a guy, and the guy was extremely hot. He felt like he was vibrating inside. Tsukishima placed a hand on his cheek, palm firm against his heated skin. Tadashi wanted to touch Tsukishima too, but was hesitant to lift his hands from the bed, afraid of stirring something in Tsukishima that would make the man stop kissing him.

Tsukishima licked over Tadashi’s lips, but then pulled away. Tadashi tried to chase him with his lips, quickly realised what he was doing, and cheeks burning he settled back on the bed.

"Your lips are soft," Tsukishima said.

Tadashi nodded stupidly, unable to form a response. He was stunned now that he looked at Tsukishima's face again, to see how gorgeous the man really was. Tsukishima smiled and stroked his cheek with a single finger.

"You're so sweet, Yamaguchi," Tsukishima said.

Tadashi didn't say anything, but let out a quiet squeak. He wasn't used to compliments in the first place, but getting them from a man who was so completely his type and way out of his league was even worse.

Tsukishima slid down on the bed to settle more comfortably and pulled Tadashi closer to himself. Tadashi could now relax his neck properly, and lying down in Tsukishima's embrace was surprisingly comfortable.

"Do you want to do it again?" Tsukishima asked. "Can we go further?"

Tadashi nodded. He wanted to touch Tsukishima, and he wanted the man to touch him more. It might be his only chance to feel this, and he wanted to take full advantage of the situation. He clumsily placed a hand on Tsukishima's cheek, suddenly fearful that his palm was sweaty, but he fought the urge to pull away.

"It's okay," Tsukishima said, as if reading his mind. "You can touch me wherever you want."

Tadashi laughed nervously.

"Is that what you tell all your clients?" he asked, but afraid of hearing the answer.

Tsukishima turned serious, eyes sharp behind his glasses.

"I have never done this with a client," he said. "I understand that it's not the image you're getting right now, but I am always strictly professional."

Tadashi pulled his hand away, overcome with the irrational fear that Tsukishima might bite him. The move caused Tsukishima to frown, but it was still a softer look than his serious face had been.

"Maybe this seems unbelievable to you," Tsukishima said softly, "but I'm quite lonely too. I have a few good friends who make me happy, but I do miss having someone closer."

"Don't you get that from," Tadashi started, bit his lip and gestured around them, "this?"

Tsukishima snorted.

"This is business," he said. "I have no true emotional connection to my clients. In a way you were right to doubt my sincerity when I told you I find you interesting, because usually it is a lie. But you are an exception. Something about you makes me care. Makes me want to care."

Tadashi considered this. He found it hard to believe, but when he looked at Tsukishima's eyes he couldn't help believing every word.

"You know, it's also a risk for me to even think about getting close to a client," Tsukishima said quietly. "There's no guarantee that you won't use knowledge of my job against me or harass me."

"I wouldn't do that," Tadashi said. "But I guess I understand what you're saying."

"Do you still want to kiss me?" Tsukishima asked with a smile.

"Yes," Tadashi breathed.

Tsukishima lifted a hand to Tadashi’s nape and pulled him down into a kiss. It was short and sweet, and Tadashi frowned in confusion when it was suddenly over.

"Let me take my glasses off," Tsukishima said.

Tadashi nodded and sat up, watching how Tsukishima took off his glasses, folded them and reached back to place them onto the side table. His shirt rode up just enough to reveal a tiny bit of skin on his hips, and Tadashi looked at it, drawn in by how pale it was. He wanted to touch it, and he reached a hand towards Tsukishima's hip, when the man turned around and the skin was covered by his shirt again. Tadashi blushed when he realised that Tsukishima noticed him reaching.

Tadashi couldn't help assuming that Tsukishima would smirk in a mean way and tell him he was stupid for thinking that he could touch someone as gorgeous as him. Instead Tsukishima smiled, his eyes slightly softer now that he couldn't see so clearly, and said:

"You can touch me."

Tadashi nodded slowly, didn't let his hand drop. It was shaking, but he placed it on Tsukishima's hip, brushed back the hem of the man's shirt to reach skin. It was warm and smooth, his hip bone sharp under the skin. He looked up to Tsukishima, who was smiling slightly.

"Why did you have such a mean face one when I first got here?" he asked, surprising even himself.

"What?" Tsukishima asked, clearly confused. "I don't remember making any faces at you."

"You looked like you condemn me for using such service," Tadashi said, glad to note that his voice wasn't shivering.

Tsukishima looked puzzled.

"I mean," he said, "I know I have a resting bitch face. Maybe that's what you thought was directed at you."

It seemed plausible but also incredibly convenient up to a point that it could easily be an excuse. Tadashi looked down to Tsukishima's hips and decided to disregard his suspicions for now. His hand was still resting on the man's pale skin, and he spread his fingers to feel the warmth of his flesh. He pushed Tsukishima's shirt up to the man's ribs, exposing surprisingly strong abs.

"Oh," he breathed in awe, fingers feeling the firm curves of the muscle.

Tsukishima laughed.

"Unexpected?" he asked with a smirk.

Tadashi laughed nervously and nodded. Tsukishima gripped the hem of his shirt.

"Do you want me to take this off?" he asked.

Tadashi nodded and watched how the man sat up to pull his shirt over his head, tossing it away. Tadashi was surprised to note how much Tsukishima's armpit hair had turned him on; he had never considered body hair sexy. He wanted to touch it, but kept his thoughts to himself. He didn't need Tsukishima thinking that he had weird kinks.

Tsukishima gestured for him to move closer, and when he did, pulled him down with a laugh. Tadashi was glad to hear such a sincere laugh. Then they kissed, and his thoughts got muddled again.

"I would like to see you with your shirt off too," Tsukishima said, lips brushing against Tadashi’s with each word.

"O- Okay," Tadashi said and disliked how he stuttered.

He sat up and self-consciously pulled his shirt off. Tsukishima hummed in appreciation, beckoning Tadashi to come closer. Tadashi leaned over Tsukishima, let himself be pulled flush against the other man. Tsukishima's fingers were cool against his back, and he shivered.

"You're gorgeous," Tsukishima said and pecked Tadashi’s lips before rolling them over. "Tell me if you want me to stop."

Tadashi nodded. Tsukishima was on all fours over him, leaned down to kiss his neck, a trail of kisses down to his shoulder. Tsukishima lifted a hand to Tadashi’s chest, stroked carefully. Suddenly Yamaguchi felt insecure about the little bit of chest hair he had, knowing that Tsukishima's chest was smooth and clean. Maybe the man didn't like body hair. He wanted to pull his arms up to protect his body from being seen, but before he could do anything, Tsukishima had backed away.

"What's wrong?" Tsukishima asked. "You got all tense."

Tadashi didn't know how to explain it without revealing all his insecurities that he wanted to keep hidden. He flicked the bed with a finger as he thought, eyes downcast.

"I'm just not used to this," he said finally. "It's fine."

Tsukishima watched him closely as he brought a hand back up to Tadashi’s chest. It felt nice, the touch somehow reassuring. Tadashi breathed deeply and told himself to relax as Tsukishima's hand trailed over his skin.

"You're in good shape," Tsukishima noted.

"Thank you," Tadashi mumbled.

Tsukishima bent down to tease a nipple with his lips, licking over it and sucking gently. It felt good, but foreign, not necessarily a turn-on but pleasant enough to make Tadashi squirm. With one hand Tsukishima stroked his way down to Tadashi’s hip. The touch was quickly turning Tadashi’s body aflame, and he hoped that he wouldn't end up backing away due to nerves. He wanted to experience this, he wanted to go as far as he could with this gorgeous man who looked at him like he was someone worthy.

Tsukishima teased his nipple with teeth, and he squirmed, pushing his chest up for more. Tsukishima's fingers were toying with the button of his slacks, not opening it, just making their presence known. Tadashi wished that the man would open it, would zip open his trousers and touch him where he most ached. He subtly offered his hips for more, but didn't say anything, afraid that his voice would come out with an embarrassing moan.

"Yamaguchi," Tsukishima said and lifted his head up to say something.

"Call me Tadashi," Tadashi said, voice high-pitched like he had feared, interrupting whatever Tsukishima had wanted to say.

Tsukishima’s face melted into a gentle smile.

"Tadashi," he said too softly for his sharp features, and Tadashi’s heart was racing. "Is this okay? Can I go further."

"Yes," Tadashi replied immediately.

Tsukishima's fingers popped open the button of Tadashi's trousers, zipped them open without a pause. Tadashi could feel the touch on his cock, struggling to contain his hips. He didn't want to seem like so much of a virgin that the slightest touch made him jump.

"You should call me Kei," Tsukishima said against Tadashi's nipple.

"Kei?" Tadashi repeated, voice breathy and head spinning with how much he was feeling all at once.

Tsukishima - Kei smiled and hummed against Tadashi's skin, pushing down his slacks, hands fitting against his hips.

"You feel so good, Tadashi," he said and trailed kisses up Tadashi's neck, stopping right before his lips. "But if you feel uncomfortable at any point, tell me."

Tadashi nodded, but Kei frowned.

"You have to promise you will," he said.

Tadashi swallowed.

"I promise," he whispered, and his lips brushed against Kei's mouth.

Kei smiled, seeming convinced by Tadashi's words, and closed the distance between their lips.

As they kissed, Kei shifted, and Tadashi squealed embarrassingly when he felt the other man's hard length press against his own. He hadn't noticed when Kei had opened his jeans, the feeling of a hard cock foreign against his own. Kei didn't stop kissing him, and that was good, that was perfect, it kept Tadashi from overthinking, and it kept him from moaning loudly when Kei rolled his hips, the drag of his cock against Tadashi's delicious but not quite enough. Tadashi thought about the kiss to keep himself from coming in his pants, focused on Kei's plump lips, how soft and kissable they were. He wondered what his own lips felt like, if they were anywhere as nice because they were so thin. He willingly opened his mouth for Kei's tongue the moment the man's tongue asked for a permission, groaned quietly at the knowledge that their bodies were pressed together so tightly. It was everything he had ever imagined and more, it was overwhelming and not enough. He allowed himself to relax more, let his hips meet the soft rolls of Kei's while his hands tried to tangle into the softly curled blond hair at Kei's nape. Kei was groaning into the kiss, hands firm on Tadashi's waist, and Tadashi couldn't even remember when they had moved up from his hips.

Kei pulled back. Tadashi tried to chase him, tried to keep him close, but Kei wouldn't let him. They looked at each other. A soft blush was spreading over Kei's cheeks.

"Is this still fine?" Kei asked.

"Yes," Tadashi said, and he could hear how desperate his voice was.

Kei smiled, hands trailing back to Tadashi's hips, fingers playing with the elastic of his underwear.

"Can I?" Kei asked.

Tadashi nodded, mouth stuck open, but he didn't think his voice would work well enough to respond. He lifted his hips up from the bed when Kei pulled his pants down to his thighs.

"Do you want to take these completely off?" Kei asked and pulled on the fabric of Tadashi's trousers.

"Yeah," Tadashi replied, but it wasn't much more than a breath.

Tsukishima sat up properly to pull the clothes off Yamaguchi's long legs, tossed the garments onto the floor and started taking off his own underwear. Tadashi couldn't help staring at the way Kei's cock was slowly revealed, then jumping up once the underwear was low enough. Tadashi couldn't quite decide what to focus on: Kei's long beautiful cock or the fact that the man wore tiny briefs. So he just stared, chest rising and falling with his uneven breaths and cock leaking pre-come onto his belly. Kei leaned down, making it look like he was trying to hide his cock, but that couldn't have been. Kei was so confident, he was the one who was perfect while Tadashi was more like a pale shadow about to disappear.

"I don't usually sleep around," Kei said.

Tadashi looked up at the man's face. He didn't understand why Kei had felt the need to bring it up now.

"Okay," he replied, unsure of what he was supposed to say.

Kei's smile seemed just a bit less confident, but before Tadashi could even start figuring it out, the man had moved back over him and pressed their lips together. Tadashi gladly kissed him and lifted his hands to Kei's shoulders, hesitant fingers trailing down the man's arms. He could feel Kei's cock hovering over his hips, and he wanted to feel it so badly. He stroked down Kei's side, stopped at his hips.

"I want to touch you," he said quietly, lips brushing against Kei's.

Kei made an undignified sound, the kind that Tadashi wouldn't have expected from someone so gorgeous, but it made him feel good, it made him feel like maybe the distance between them wasn't so great. Kei suddenly felt more human, and in this brief burst of confidence Tadashi slid one of his hands between their bodies and stroked his fingers over Kei's hard cock.

"Tadashi," Kei whispered against his lips, and encouraged by this Tadashi took the cock in his hand, cradled the length on his palm.

Kei's hips rolled forward, his hot flesh pressing against Tadashi's hand. The feeling was simultaneously familiar and foreign: Kei's cock was longer than his own but equally hard, and just as hot. Kei let out a quiet squeak before going quiet, his laboured breath hovering over Tadashi. Each small thought went straight to Tadashi's cock, and he tried to shut out his mind as best as he could to not come untouched.

It was a miracle he could hold it together at all, since everything about Kei was so erotic: the way he pressed his hips closer for more pressure, the way his hot cock dragged against Tadashi's palm, the way he couldn't hold back his voice every time he opened his mouth to gasp, how his body was so long and slim and right there, not quite touching Tadashi but close enough that their body heat melted into one.

Kei opened his mouth, panting right next to Tadashi's ear, the feel of it sending shivers down Tadashi's spine. Kei slipped his fingers under Tadashi's head, absentmindedly grasping on his hair.

"Tadashi," Kei whispered, his laboured breathing cutting out whatever he had tried to say, and instead he pressed an open-mouthed kiss on Tadashi's neck.

With a yelp Kei came, hips pressing down so hard Tadashi couldn't hold them up, the back of his hand now against his own throbbing cock. He felt a spurt of Kei's semen land on his abdomen and bit his teeth to stop himself from coming right there and then. It was already hard because of the long-awaited stimulation over his length, but made harder when he suddenly realised that the only thing separating his cock from Kei's was his hand.

Kei recovered much quicker than Tadashi would have hoped and rolled over, leaving behind Tadashi's wet hand that was now sticky with come. He couldn't move, breathing hard and still trying to grasp the reality that he had just gotten someone off, and not just someone, but the most handsome guy he had ever met.

At the edge of his understanding Kei rolled to his side and looked at him.

"Tadashi," Kei said.

He didn't know what to do, the weight of what he had just done (he had _sex_!) suddenly pressing him down. He hoped that Kei would get up and leave so he could give in to the feeling of being overwhelmed and cry for a bit.

Kei sat up.

"Tadashi?" he repeated and took a hold of Tadashi's unsoiled hand.

It was enough to snap Tadashi back to the present. He looked up to Kei who was squinting slightly without his glasses.

"Sorry I came before you," Kei said.

Tadashi opened his mouth to say something but didn't know what, so he remained quiet. Kei bent down to kiss him, the lips already feeling familiar.

"Can I suck you off?" Kei asked, half a whisper.

Tadashi swallowed heavily.

"I won't last," he managed to say, embarrassed by the waver in his voice.

"It's okay," Kei said with a grin.

Tadashi closed his eyes to stop himself from reading all the layers of that grin, all the want and the lust, he should not think about how Kei wanted to taste him.

Tadashi opened his eyes. Kei softly touched his shoulder, eyes full of a feeling Tadashi couldn't quite read. Then Kei's lips were on his skin and he stopped thinking, each word in his mind turning into mush until every single nerve was focused on the way Kei's lips mapped his body, sweet wet touches making their way down to where he most ached.

"You're so sexy, Tadashi," Kei said after leaving a lingering kiss on his hip, chin so close to touching Tadashi’s heavy cock that he could practically feel it.

He licked his lips, but had forgotten how to speak, his response a sound he made in his throat. Kei smiled, ducked his head down, and softly took Tadashi's tip in his mouth.

"Oh," Tadashi gasped.

He grabbed a handful of sheets, lifted his free hand to Kei's hair to stop the man from lifting his head away. At times he had tried to imagine what a blowjob would feel like, eventually settling for the fact that he would never find out. He had been wrong, of course, but more importantly his imagination had not come even close to the real thing. Kei's mouth was hot and wet, lips sliding over Tadashi's heated flesh. Kei focused his mouth on the tip and used his hand to cover the rest of Tadashi's cock. Even Kei's touch was better than anything Tadashi had imagined. He was burning.

"Your cock is so nice and heavy on my tongue," Kei said before sucking Tadashi back in his mouth, nonchalant like he was talking about the weather.

Tadashi's fingers were tight in Kei's short hair, and he wasn't sure what finally brought him over the edge - the stimulation, the sight of Kei's mouth around his cock, the thought that Kei enjoyed giving him head and liked his cock - but he came, hard and without warning, spilling his hot seed deep into Kei's mouth. His voice sounded broken to himself, his entire body tight as he felt Kei milk him dry. It wasn't before he started shaking and pulling on Kei's hair that the man lifted his head, lips making a popping sound as he sucked one last time. Tadashi jolted, cock throbbing with overstimulation.

He was panting hard, just lying there and waiting for his head to stop swirling. Little by little he became more aware of his surroundings, slowly realising that his hands were still tight fists, one in Kei's hair.

"I'm sorry!" Tadashi exclaimed and let go of Kei's hair that remained disturbed, the part which had been in Tadashi's fist standing up.

Kei smiled, his face blindingly kind, his messed hair only adding to his charm.

"Don't worry," Kei said. "I'm just glad it was your clean hand.

Tadashi loosened the first that was still holding onto the sheets, his hold sticky with Kei's come. Kei pressed a sloppy kiss on his tummy before crawling up and cuddling up to him.

"You're cute," Kei said.

Tadashi couldn't say anything. He wasn't sure if he could ever bring himself to fully realise what had just happened, if he would ever truly understand that he had just had his soul sucked out of him by who appeared to be a sex god. They lay quietly, Kei's reassuring warmth calming Tadashi's erratic thoughts and feelings. It was good. He could get used to the sense of peace. Kei's arms were wrapped around him, and he had never felt such intense acceptance and belonging. He wanted to get used to it, he wanted it to become an everyday occurrence, but how would it ever happen? Bitterness started rising in his chest.

"Hey, Tadashi," Kei said softly. "Will you go out with me?"

Tadashi's heart skipped a beat. He slowly turned to look at Kei, whose face was sincere, even vulnerable.

"Really?" Tadashi blurted out before he could stop himself.

"Really," Kei said without minding his awkward disbelief. "I want to get to know you. I want to meet you in a setting where you're not paying for my time."

"Oh," Tadashi said.

He had forgotten that he was, in fact, paying to spend this time with Kei. Doubts started surfacing again as he wondered if this wasn't just what Tsukishima had judged to be the best way to console him.

"You don't want to?" Tsukishima asked.

Tadashi couldn't be sure, but he thought he heard a note of disappointment in the man's voice.

"I'm sorry," Kei said and sat up, leaving Tadashi's side cold. "Maybe I misunderstood you. I was blinded by my own wants."

Tadashi propped himself up on his elbows. Kei was sitting with a slump, one arm extended to grab his glasses, head hanging low. It was not a sight Tadashi would have expected from someone as confident as this man, but the same man now provably looked completely different: defeated and uncertain.

"I-," Tadashi started to say, but his voice was too weak and was drowned out by Kei who had spoken simultaneously.

"I can't charge you for this. I'm sorry. I’ll get you a refund."

Kei bent down to get his underwear, stood up to pull them all the way on. Tadashi was quickly getting desperate, but couldn't quite get himself to say something, his previous discomfort and uncertainties taking over, squeezing him like shackles.

Kei was now wearing his shirt again, and Tadashi swallowed. He needed his courage now or he would lose the opportunity to turn his life onto a different path. While Kei was picking up his jeans from the floor, Tadashi sat up properly, then realised he was still naked. He placed his hands over his crotch to look at least slightly decent, took a deep breath, and opened his mouth.

He couldn't get the words out. He closed his mouth and breathed. Kei was pulling his jeans up. Time was quickly running out.

The problem was that Tadashi had gotten used to rejection, and despite the knowledge that Kei seemed to already have accepted his approaches, he couldn't stop thinking about how bad he had felt each time he had been let down. It didn't take much more for his insecurities over his looks to surface, and when Kei had pulled his jeans on and straightened up, Tadashi was sitting on the bed completely frozen and in the verge of tears, because there was no way someone as beautiful as Kei would ever want to date him, and even if they did go out, Kei would eventually realise what a burden he was with all his difficulties.

Kei turned to look at him, gazing longingly before fully registering what he was seeing.

"I thought you would have gotten dressed by now," Kei said flatly.

Tadashi wanted to turn his head away to hide his shameful emotionality, but couldn't bring himself to move. Kei was fully facing him now, a quizzical look on his face. Tadashi couldn't meet the searching eyes.

"Is something wrong?" Kei finally asked when Tadashi remained quiet and unmoving.

Not trusting himself to be able to speak at this point, Tadashi nodded. Kei took a step closer to the bed.

"I really messed up there, didn't I?" Kei said. “Tell me, isn’t it so that you do want to go out with me?”

Tadashi nodded again. Kei sighed and rubbed his forehead.

"I'm too self-absorbed," he said. "I should have thought about what you already told me about yourself. Of course you would find it surprising that I was serious."

Kei sat down on the edge of the bed, a reasonable distance away from Tadashi.

"You don't need to cry," Kei said softly.

Tadashi was fighting tears with all his might but couldn't help them brimming in his eyes. Kei edged closer.

"Let me take you out," Kei said. "Let me show you that what you think about yourself isn't true."

Tadashi nodded, which caused a single tear to escape from his eye. Kei lifted his hand and carefully wiped the tear away from his cheek.

"You're really cute," Kei said, then added: "Can I kiss you again?"

Tadashi nodded.

"Yes," he said, voice suffocated.

Kei's lips were warm and soft, and Tadashi hoped it was something he would have to get used to.

**Author's Note:**

> I started writing this back in November and honestly I don't think this is a very good fic but I wrote it so I might as well post it.
> 
> Please imagine that Tsukki gave out a false surname, I was just too lazy to come up with one.
> 
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> 
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